After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
