I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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