oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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