I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
