Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
