he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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