You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize