i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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