Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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