I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
