I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
