We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
