I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
