I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
