i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
