just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
