when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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