Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
