my vag is so smooth its legendary
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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