I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
