question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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