i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
