I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
