Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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