She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
