don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
