I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
