Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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