I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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