I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Terrible idea I love it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
