i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you bring me the toilet please
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
