we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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