They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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