She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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