I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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