I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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