this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
