i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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