first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
