All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My bed smells like the plague
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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