so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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