Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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