is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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