my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
