I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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