My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
