hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
