Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
