home. puking in laundry basket.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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