I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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