I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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