you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
