Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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