That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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