how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are the jesus of drinking
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
