My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
