dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
