Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
