I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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