I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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